


Drowning, But Not Under Yet

by UmbralStars



Series: Americanism [3]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Brotherly Bonding, Drowning, Gen, Historical Hetalia, Hurt/Comfort, Not actually though, Original Character(s), Original Male Character(s) - Freeform, vaugely - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 07:55:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27467554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmbralStars/pseuds/UmbralStars
Summary: "We were drowning."Ethan froze as Alfred's expression darkened and the grip on his shoulders tightened. "All of us were drowning," his brother's voice was tight, "and we didn't know how to save each other, but we knew that we were drowning."
Relationships: America (Hetalia) & Original Character(s)
Series: Americanism [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1138505
Kudos: 9





	Drowning, But Not Under Yet

Relief flooded through Ethan upon stepping out of the oppressive warmth of the Capitol Building into the cold DC night. He hadn't even been back a full week and yet he was being dragged around DC for the whole of Congress, and the States who were here, to see and approve. He knew they didn't. Running a hand through his curly, black hair, Ethan sat down on the steps, placed his hat on the ground, and cast his eyes to the stars above. He bit the inside of his cheek when he brought his eyes down to survey the city spread out before him. DC has changed so much. Ethan had barely just gotten used to the new dome before he left but the building and the city itself has grown much larger. While he recognized a few familiar faces, many he absolutely had not wished to see again regrettably, the people in Congress have changed. The States were different too, he could tell. The nation's head drops from the stars as he sighs. 

"Come on little brother, we're too young for you to be sighing like that," a voice easily recognizable as Alfred said from behind him. Soft footsteps clicked on marble as his brother approached him, but Ethan didn't make any moves to acknowledge Alfred's presence; his eyes stayed on the steps. The blond man sat down beside him. Looks like he didn't have an out. Not that he wanted to run away from Alfred, again.

Ethan huffed, "We're over two hundred, Alfred."

Alfred forced himself into Ethan's view just to give the younger man a look, "Last time I spoke to Arthur he reminded me that was nothing."

"Multiple human lifetimes."

"That's what I said and it didn't impress him."

Ethan snickered. That definitely sounded like England. Silence fell between them once the laughter died. Ethan chewed on his lip wondering what to say. Looking over at his brother, he found a pair of blue eyes just staring at him; Alfred's expression twisted into something similar to concern. "What's wrong, Ethan?" Alfred said before the southerner could even get a word out.

So he knew that something was wrong? Ethan's eyes drew down to the ground again as he pondered. He knew there was something, multiple things, wrong, but could he really tell Alfred? They haven't had any kind of open conversation in decades. Ethan had done so much that was unforgiveable and any kind of bond they had shared was likely bent to breaking. Besides, his problems were petty and childish at best. He'd run off while his brother had stayed, and yet he found reason to-

A hand was placed on his shoulder.

Alfred squeezed his shoulder gently. Ethan glanced back. His brother's expression, still concerned, was open. He was willing to listen. Ethan took a deep breath, "Have I really changed enough?" he waited but no reply came, so he continued, "Do I deserve to be back here? Everything has changed so much, but what if I haven't? What if all that time away wasn't enough? What if I didn't learn a damn thing?"

The younger nation exhaled sharply as soon as he finished. Too many emotions were boiling at the admission. Pushing up his glasses, he rubbed the bridge of his nose trying to ease his mind. He knew that Alfred was watching him. He probably thought Ethan was some damn child-

"You're doing the thing again," Alfred deadpanned.

Ethan cut his eyes at the other, "What 'thing'?"

"The thing where you spiral in your head until you drive yourself mad." Alfred moved himself, placing both hands on Ethan's shoulders to turn the younger man towards him, "I wouldn't have begged you to come back if I didn't think you deserved to be here."

Ethan shook his head, "I just can't tell if I actually do," he gestured back to the Capitol, "Congress, the States-" he took a wavering breath- "so many of them don't want me to be here. To wield any kind of power ever again, and I don't know if I can blame them! What happened was completely unforgivable and I was complicit-"

"We were drowning."

Ethan froze as Alfred's expression darkened and the grip on his shoulders tightened. "All of us were drowning," his brother's voice was tight, "and we didn't know how to save each other, but we knew that we were drowning." He paused and let his gaze fall away, "We only barely managed to grab onto the wreckage to keep ourselves from going under completely, but we knew that if we didn't make it to shore we would all still eventually drown," he brought his gaze back to lock onto Ethan's, "I know I'm asking you to go back into the water with me, but maybe we can keep each other afloat this time."

His older brother's hands dropped from his shoulders. Despite not changing at all appearance wise, Alfred looked decades older and far more tired than Ethan had ever remembered him being in the past. Even in the small amount of time they had spent together after the war, he can't remember Alfred ever looking this utterly exhausted. Ethan looked back at the Capitol. 

What would he gain from leaving again? Maybe never throwing his hat into the political world again was the easy option, but...they had started this whole thing together hadn't they? They had fought a war to even have the chance to create all of this. Alfred had fought a war to protect everything and try to right the wrongs Ethan had help let fester. He still is just as much as a rep as Alfred is, and he needed to do right by that. He can't fix his mistakes if he won't even try. "We won't know until we try, will we?" Ethan let himself smile faintly as faint determination bloomed in his chest.

Alfred managed to pull up a reassuring smile, one that put Ethan at ease for the first time that night. He scooched closer to the southerner and wrapped his arm around Ethan's shoulder. Ethan leaned against his brother and closed his eyes just letting himself try to relax and calm his own fears. "If," Alfred started, "If we fall back into old, or hell, new habits given my recent track record, we'll just make sure to pull each other up. Stop each other from doing something stupid again."

Ethan nodded without a second thought, "I promise, Al."


End file.
